Theme Thursday topic: BREASTFEEDING

BREASTFEEDING.  Yes you've heard me talk about this topic before.  Usually I'm enraged about some idiotic tweet that insults breastfeeding mothers.  The comments are almost always the same:

"Ew... breastfeeding is disgusting"
"Breastfeeding should never be done in public"

Check out my previous blog posts if you don't believe me.  The most recent ignorant comment I read yesterday came from a 20 year old woman, and I quote:

"I don't think anything in this world grosses me out more than breastfeeding in public".

Oh, you don't believe a 20 year old woman could say such a ridiculous thing? Here is the proof:

Really?  She can't think of ANYTHING on this planet earth that disgusts her more than breastfeeding in public? I cannot conceive of such a human being.  I cannot believe that people THINK this way.  This makes me so angry I cannot type.  But it also makes me sad.  Depressed in fact. 

But you know what? Breastfeeding rant over.  Today's post will not be negative.  It will be simple and uncomplicated. 

And so I begin.

BREASTFEEDING

Excuse the random dude on the right, it's the most recent picture I had of me and my girls

I am a mother of two girls.  One is 2 1/2 and no longer breastfeeding.  She breastfed until she was just shy of a year old.  She weaned herself because I was pregnant and pretty much out of milk.  My current baby turns one tomorrow and is still breastfeeding.  Since I'm not pregnant (nor will I be in the near future) I plan to breastfeed her for quite some time more. 

I want to tell you about how amazing and simple breastfeeding is.  It is a wonderful way to provide your baby with the nourishment and comfort they need.  When done correctly it takes virtually no effort.  Your baby latches on and the milk flows.  That my body can create the most perfect nutrition for my baby still amazes me.  In fact babies really don't need anything else other than breastmilk for at least the first year of their lives. Even though my monster of a child loves to eat.

I will spare you the scientific reasoning behind why breastmilk is so nutritious.  You can look up the stats and components of breastmilk on your own.  Suffice it to say, it is the perfect food.

When you travel with a breastfed baby you don't have to bring bottles, formula, or bottled water.  The milk is always at a perfect temperature and provides warmth and comfort to a baby instantly.

Breastfeeding as you may have heard also burns calories in the mother and we all want that benefit.  It is also (usually) a decent form of contraception and women have been using nursing as a birth control method for centuries. 

Learning to breastfeed my first baby in the hospital

BUT (there's always a but), breastfeeding did not come easily to me with my first baby.  It was painful, I was engorged, my baby didn't eat properly and I was worried she wasn't gaining enough weight. I have to emphasize here that it did NOT start out being easy, but thankfully I had help from family and I did not give up.  I will pause here to say that breastfeeding does not work out for everyone for many reasons.  I think most of the time people do not have enough help.  You need people to tell you to stick with it.  You need people to help you clean your house and cook food so you can sequester yourself with your baby and just breastfeed.  You also need to learn and practice. Also some women do not want to breastfeed or cannot breastfeed again, not a problem for anyone, this just happens to be my experience.

Also I'll throw in here that many people claim breastfeeding is also free.  My husband always loved that I breastfed because you know it was free.  Maybe if you're a SAHM it's virtually free, but I spent money on nursing pads, nursing bras, nursing tank tops, storage bags, bottles (I still needed to go back to work and pump), etc.  So it really wasn't "free".  I suppose cheaper than formula? But not free.  And here is where I also mention that both my girls drank breastmilk from bottles with not much of a problem.  They switched from breast to bottle pretty well and thank god for that, because otherwise how is a woman supposed to go back to work?

Despite how hard breastfeeding was with my first baby, I can still write a post about how wonderful breastfeeding is because it eventually became easy for me.

My first baby getting much better at breastfeeding

With my second daughter (who turns one tomorrow) breastfeeding came quite easily from the start.  She was a better eater and I was more experienced.  I can honestly say that I have not struggled at all with my second baby. I always had (and still have) plenty of milk and I never once thought I was going to run out of milk or not be able to keep up with her while I pumped at work.  Breastfeeding has been a dream the second time around.  In fact, I have had so much milk that I have now donated about 200 oz.

100 oz of extra breastmilk I donated recently

I don't tell this breastfeeding story to brag.  After having breastfed children for a total of about two years now, I know that many women struggle with breastfeeding and breastfeeding is a very personal choice.  I also know that the controversy surrounding breastfeeding seems to grow each day.  I want to tell my story to just explain that sometimes just sometimes breastfeeding is simple and easy and goes the way nature intended. 

My champion breastfeeder nursing on a plane

I am also not going to get into the debate about breastfeeding in public, because in my eyes there is no debate.  I never had a problem breastfeeding in public and don't consider it to be an issue.  I do however, get saddened to read the stories that pop up at least once a week where a woman was shamed for breastfeeding her hungry baby in public.  I cannot believe that this is an issue in the 21st century.  But again, today's post will not be an angry rant in which I say that I want to punch people who oppose breastfeeding in public.  Nope I won't say that.  I will simply say that I have had a beautiful experience breastfeeding in public.  I have breastfed in pretty much every public place I have happened to be with my baby.  Church, museums, zoos, restaurants, you name it.  And "gasp" I usually don't cover up.  But if I do it's more to keep a distracted baby from unlatching, not to convenience ignorant people and their insecurities with the human body.

Look pirates breastfeed too

I rarely read positive stories about breastfeeding and I just wanted to share mine.  Now excuse me, the baby is up and I have to breastfeed her back down to sleep.  Yes, she still wakes up at night to nurse, and that folks, is not such a positive story!

Nursing a sick baby back to health- quite literally

This BREASTFEEDING post is a part of "Theme Thursday", a multi-blog collaboration. Click the button below to read posts from other bloggers, or to add your own.  Each week some great writers pick a topic to write about.  This week's topic was BREASTFEEDING.  Some past topics have been:

-Things That Aren't Blog
-Cats and Dogs
-Winter
-New Year's Resolutions
-Reality TV
-A Wedding story

and so on...

You can see all the previous Theme Thursday Topics on its pinterest page.

Special thanks to Something Clever 2.0 for just being awesome. Visit her page.  She actually blogs on a regular basis, something I strive to do one day.

#ThemeThursday

Making Iced Coffee

Every single morning, I go to Dunkin Donuts and I order a Medium Iced Latte with skim milk ONLY and a wheat bagel with strawberry cream cheese.  I spend exactly $5.85.  Say in an average month I work 22 work days.  Yeah I'll do the math for you, that's: $128.70 a month just for breakfast.  I won't get into what I spend for lunch every day.  But for now let's start with breakfast.

Finally I decided this was getting out of hand.  I generally don't like hot coffee.  I will drink hot coffee if it's around and I want coffee, but I much prefer cold coffee and iced lattes are even better.  So my goal for 2013 is to make my own iced coffee at home and add lots of milk, effectively making it an iced latte.  I searched for recipes online and they were all pretty straightforward.  Cold water + a lot of coffee= iced coffee.  I have been practicing for a few weeks now and I think I have the perfect recipe.  So here it is.  I'll pretend I'm a food blogger and show it to you with pictures.  How exciting.

 

 

Step 1: the coffee.  You're supposed to use more coarsely ground coffee but I never find any at the store so I use whatever coffee we have in our house.  Currently it is this one from Costco:

 

 

Step 2: Here is the tricky part.  You have to figure out a good ratio of coffee to water so the iced coffee tastes nice and strong.  Especially if you're going to add a lot of milk.  Most sources say double the coffee/water ratio for hot coffee.  One source said do 1 part coffee to every 4.5 parts coffee.  So I went with 5 coffee mugs of water to 1 coffee mug of coffee.  So 1 to 5 ratio.  This seems to taste the best but you should experiment.  Here's the coffee mug I used.  Really I just wanted to show it to you.  It's a picture of me and my two girls when my littlest one was born back in January.

 

Step 3: Mix everything together in some kind of container.  I use a really fancy 51 oz Bodum Iced Coffee Press that my husband bought me.  It's pretty and green.  You can seal it up and then it comes with a press part that squeezes all the coffee down to the bottom leaving you with the good stuff.  This comes 12-24 hours later.  The mixture looks like hot chocolate.

 

 

 

 



 

Step 4: Put it away in the fridge with a nice tight sealed cover and wait 12-24 hours.  You will soon see the beautiful layers of coffee on top.

 

 

Step 5: After patiently waiting many many hours, using your plunger thing push all the hard coffee on top down to the bottom and enjoy!

 

 

Here is a stock photo of how perfect your coffee will look.  Except not really because that's hot coffe below.  Yours will look and taste better.  And I've heard it lasts a few weeks fresh in the fridge but mine is gone in one week.

 

 

Let's have a fun non-lawyer blog post shall we?

Things I have learned as a mom

1. People love seeing pictures of your kids.  (I think) So here are 2 recent pictures of my girls.  Enjoy. 

2. Use small nail scissors to cut your baby's nails, way easier and less dangerous than using the clippers.

3. If you have hardwood floors, don't let your toddler run around the house in their socks, they will fall on their face.

4. Try not to rock your babies to sleep (if you can help it).  It's not so fun later.

5. Go out to eat at restaurants and take your children and make them behave.  They have to learn how to behave in public.

6. As much as you will be bombarded with new and pretty things for your babies in the beginning, keep it simple.  Babies (if you're breastfeeding) need very little in the beginning of their lives.  Milk, clothes, diapers, blankets and you're pretty much set. 

7. Travel with your kids, expose them to new cultures, new foods, and new people. 

8. Buy a good carrier for when your babies are little.  Like an ergo.  I would pesronally stay away from bjorn style carriers where the babies face outwards, they look terribly uncomfortable for the babies and they HURT your back.  Ergos and other similar carriers are great for long trips and especially good in airports, like so:

9. Document your kids' lives.  Not necessarily by writing a blog, but try some kind of journal.  I just open a word document every few months and sit down and type for 15 minutes.  I write about milestones in their lives, whether they are sleeping through the night, what kinds of words they are saying, etc.  That's it.  It's simple but it's a great way to remember those details you will NOT remember later in life!

10. Finally, I've learned, to relax.  To chill out and go with the flow.  Kids are unpredictable and it's pointless to stress yourself over things that you can't control.  I keep my house clean but there are some things that I have just let go.  For example, my toddler took a red marker and drew all over our couch.  And you know what? It's ok.  Why? Because our couch is old and crappy anyway.  We'll just buy a new one once the kids are older. 

I've learned many more things, but I'm out of time!

Protecting assets in banrkuptcy

Lately I've had a lot of clients ask me whether certain assets are protected when you file for Chapter 7 bankruptcy.  The correct terminology is whether there is an exemption that can be applied to the asset.

Generally speaking the following assets have exemptions that can be applied to them so that some or all of the asset can be protected:

1. Homes
2. Cars
3. Personal property
4. Tools of the trade
5. Retirement accounts
6. Tuition savings plan
7. Life insurance proceeds/cash value of policies
8. Proceeds of a personal injury lawsuit
9. Back due wages
10. Public benefits

The question is always how MUCH of an exemption do I get in order to protect my assets.  The answer is: It depends on what state you live in.

Here in IL the following are a general list of exemptions and their amounts.  This list was borrowed from a wonderful source known as Illinois Pro Bono.  The link can be found here.

Type of Property	Amount of Exemption	Controlling Statute
Residence or homestead of individual. Includes farm, lot and buildings, condominium, mobile home or cooperative. Can be owned or leased.	$15,000	735 IL Compiled Statutes (ILCS)5/12-901 (735 ILCS 5/12-906 includes proceeds of sale for 1 year)
Necessary wearing apparel, bible, school books and family pictures. Prescribed health aids of debtor and dependents.	100%	735 ILCS 5/12-1001(a) 735 ILCS 5/12-1001(e)
Any personal property of the debtor	$4,000	735 ILCS 5/12-1001(b)
One motor vehicle	$2,400	735 ILCS 5/12-1001(c)
Implements, professional books, tools of trade	$1,500	735 ILCS 5/12-1001(d)
Proceeds and cash value of life insurance policies and annuity contracts payable to dependent of insured	100%	735 ILCS 5/12-1001(f)
Public benefits: social security, unemployment compensation, public assistance, veteran's and disability and illness benefits	100%	735 ILCS 5/12-1001(g) (1), (2), (3)
Alimony, support or separate maintenance	Amount reasonably necessary to support debtor and dependents.	735 ILCS 5/12-1001(g)(4)
Crime victim's reparation awards	100%	735 ILCS 5/12-1001(h)(1)
Wrongful death payments as a result of the death of a person who supported the debtor	Amount reasonably necessary to support debtor.	735 ILCS 5/12-1001(h)(2)
Life insurance payments from a policy insuring a person who supported the debtor	Amount reasonably necessary to support debtor and dependents.	735 ILCS 5/12-1001(h)(3)
Payments on account of bodily injury to the debtor or a person who supported the debtor	$15,000	735 ILCS 5/12-1001(h)(4)
Restitution payments made under Federal Civil Liberties Act of 1988 and the Aleutian and Pribilof Island Restitution Act	100%	735 ILCS 5/12-1001(h)(5)

The bottom line is that MOST people who are filing Chapter 7 bankruptcy can protect their homes as long as they don't have much equity, one or two cars depending on the values, and normal household items.

Some things that are considered "assets" that people usually don't think about:

1. Your anticipated Federal Tax Refund
2. Proceeds from a potential lawsuit claim you may have against someone
3. Lottery proceeds
4. Inheritances

I'll end this blog post with the usual lawyer-speak.  ALWAYS speak to a knowledgeable attorney about your assets before filing for bankruptcy.

More questions? Ask us.

www.schottlerlaw.com

BREASTFEEDING HATERS

Why oh why do so many people HATE on women who breastfeed? They say that breastfeeding in public offends them, or it should be done in private, or it's gross, or icky, or seeing a woman breastfeed makes them want to vomit, or makes them want to kick a woman in the face.

-this beautiful picture courtesy of the Fresno county Breastfeeding Friendly Campaign website. 

http://first5fresno.org/policy/current-projects/breastfeeding-friendly-campaign

I wish I was joking, or exaggerating, but sadly these are the exact reactions that people have been posting lately on twitter.  I follow some pretty kick-ass people on twitter.  Some of which make it a point to RT these disgusting and ignorant tweets about breastfeeding.  I try not to respond.  I try to control myself.  But as a breastfeeding mother who lives in a country that actually has several laws to PROTECT breastfeeding mothers, I can't help but respond.

If you read something that said: "Breast feeding in public is detrimental to my health, therefor should be banned!" wouldn't you feel compelled to respond? I can't find the source of that tweet but it was some idiot.

I do wonder if I'm wasting my time arguing with idiots on twitter, but I can't help but confront some of these people and their ignorant attitudes towards breastfeeding mothers.

In case you don't believe that people can be so stupid, here are some actual tweets I have seen in just the last few weeks that will convince you humanity is screwed.

But first here is a cool campaign in the UK to help promote and normalize breastfeeding.

http://www.beastar.org.uk/

And now.  The ugly truth:

Seriously.  The above tweets are real and have not been altered in any way shape or form, except that the tweets have been copied and pasted into this blog post and the responses to the tweets have not been posted.  Hey that's the beauty of a PUBLIC forum like twitter right?  Your ignorant comments can be memorialized on the internet FOREVER.

I'm done for today.

Happy breastfeeding.  In PUBLIC.  Or wherever and however you should choose to feed your baby.

Breasts.

Breasts.

Did that get your attention? It really shouldn't have.

So I think it's time for a new blog post.  I have been a terrible blogger.  Mostly because I work FT and I now have 2 children.  Count them: ONE.  TWO.  Well some days it seems like there are more than that.

Anyway I feel like I've come full circle since I first started this blog, but not in a good way.  I began the blog last year with a post about breastfeeding in public and how America is ass-backwards (excuse my language) when it come to BFing in public.  We just can't seem to accept that breasts' primary function are to feed children.  Why? Because breasts have become so sexualized by the media that we are just completely hung up on them and can't imagine they are used for anything else.  It's pretty sad really, that a woman can't BF in public without having to worry about people casting judgment upon her for merely feeding her hungry baby.

Now that I started a twitter account a few months ago, I have seen so many young women tweet things like "EW this woman is BFing at a restaurant! I want to throw up".  Really.  Tweets like this exist.  People actually think that a woman BFing their child is disgusting.  What on earth is wrong with these people?  I could rant and rave about how incredibly stupid and ignorant people are but I'm tired of it.  I'm tired of having to defend breastfeeding.

But unfortunately we have to keep defending breastfeeding, after all didn't TIME magazine just throw this cover in our face?

I know.  It's just a sensationalist attempt to sell magazines.  But it has provoked all kinds of discussion about whether BFing a toddler is wrong, and really makes mothers who BF their children past a certain age look crazy.  Not to mention, the article discusses Attachment Parenting as an "extreme" parenting method.  I cannot begin to tell you how much I HATE these types of parenting labels.

So here we are again.  Mothers who breastfeed their children keep having to defend themselves, in public especially, because people in this country are just hung up on the notion that breasts are for sex.

I am travelling this weekend to NY and we're going with our 2 kids- the almost 2 yr old toddler and our 4 month old.  She is exclusively BF and this is going to work marvelously on our trip.  I don't have to pack bottles, formula, or water.  I just have to take my ergo carrier and BF whenever she pleases.  This will mean I will absolutely be BFing at the airport, in a restaurant, and most definitely on a plane.  Why? Because I damn well please.  Oh and more importantly because when my baby is hungry, I will feed her.  And I will not care about other people's childish insecurities about breasts.  I don't cover up, but I'm also pretty discrete (I think) and I plan on breastfeeding anywhere.  Anytime.

I dare you to tell me to cover up while I BF my daughter.  I double dare you.

And as a final note, god I'm glad to be leaving Chicago this weekend during their crazy NATO summit.  See you in NY!

Being shackled during labor.

Yes you read correctly women who are incacerated or detained are sometimes shackled during labor. 

First of all.  I apologize (not sure who actually reads my blog if anyone) but I haven't updated in quite some time.  Probably because I'm just about 9 months pregnant now and any bit of precious time I have at night I usually spend stuck in the couch or trying to get some much needed rest before baby #2 comes along. 

So I will try to post more often.  Also I changed the theme of the blog from "Family law issues" to pretty much any legal issue, because I think it was a bit misleading.  I'm not after all, a family law attorney, but I find legal issues that affect families to be interesting.  I'm not sure people really grasped the distinction because I kept getting requests from people to write about specific family law issues.

Shaul Schwarz/Getty Images

Anyway I digress, back to being shackled during labor.  It sounds like it would fit into the category of cruel and unusual punishment right? Well it should in my opinion, and some states have taken that stance.

I'm inspired to write about this, because in the last few years I have read a few stories online about women who had been charged with some immigration violations (like using false IDs) who were forced to give birth while in shackles or handcuffs!  I read those stories and was so incredibly angry. My heart went out to these women especially given that I have already gone through labor once and am now pregnant again and cannot even fathom having to be restrained while in labor.

The links to some of these stories are below:

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=128563037&ft=1&f=1128

http://www.rhrealitycheck.org/blog/2009/07/06/giving-birth-chains-the-shackling-incarcerated-women-during-labor-and-delivery

I finally read a follow up to one of the stories and it inspired me to write this post.

image provided by: phoenixnewstimes.com

Two years ago a woman by the name of Miriam Mendiola-Martinez said she was forced to give birth while shackled to a bed, not allowed to hold her newborn baby after birth and even forced to walk out of the hospital while shackled just a few days after her c-section still bleeding. 

Follow up

She has now (thankfully) sued our favorite sheriff, Joe Arpaio of Arizona (yes that was sarcasm, he is awful in my opinion). 

It all sounds extreme but that's what her lawsuit alleges.  I'm trying to get my hands on a copy of the complaint and hope to find a link to the actual complaint online. Here is the citation to the case:
Mendiola v. Arpaio, et. al, Arizona District Court Number 11CV2512, filed on 12/19/11.  I was able to access the case through the Federal Court filing and I THINK you can view it here.
For all the lawyers and others who actually want to know what her complaint is alleging, here are the counts in the complaint:

• PLAINTIFF’S CAUSE OF ACTION AGAINST DEFENDANTS FOR INTERFERING WITH PLAINTIFF’S RIGHTS UNDER 42 USC §§ 1981 and 1983
• COUNT ONE
  

  VIOLATIONS OF THE EIGHTH AMENDMENT

  (Deliberate Indifference to Serious Medical Needs)
• COUNT TWO
  

  VIOLATIONS OF THE FOURTEENTH AMENDMENT

  (Deliberate Indifference to Serious Medical Needs)
• COUNT THREE VIOLATIONS OF THE EIGHTH AND FOURTEENTH AMENDMENTS
  (Cruel and Unusual Punishment)
• COUNT FOUR VIOLATIONS OF THE FIFTH, FOURTEENTH, AND FIFTEENTH AMENDMENTS
  (Equal Protection – Disparate Treatment)
• COUNT FIVE-MONELL LIABILITY (this has to do with her alleging that she suffered immediate and irreparable injury, including physical, psychological and emotional injury and risk of death. See
  Monell v. New York City Dept. of Social Svcs., 436 U.S. 658 (1978)

And just to touch on some of the legal issues involved according to the Huffing Post article cited above and other research:

Legal Issues

 

• The American Medical Association and the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists have denounced the practice of shackling during childbirth
• BUT it's still legal in 36 states
• The Federal Bureau of Prisons and the United States Marshal's Service have also eliminated the practice.
• In 2008 the U.S. Court of Appeals for the 8th Circuit found shackling during child birth to constitute cruel and unusual punishment, in violation of the Eighth Amendment.  HERE is a link to the case NELSON v. CORRECTIONAL MEDICAL SERVICES ADC.
• Also, supposedly ten states now have anti-shackling legislation: California, Colorado, Illinois, New Mexico, New York, Texas, Vermont, Washington, West Virginia — and as of two weeks ago, Pennsylvania. (I have yet to read all of these statutes and can provide links to the statutes once I do)
• The practice has been condemned by the United Nations, Amnesty International and Human Rights Watch, as well as the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU), which maintains it is a violation of the Eighth Amendment prohibition of “cruel and unusual punishments.

And finally of course, this is not the first time a woman has been forced to give labor under these extreme and cruel conditions.  Here are lots of more examples I found. 

• Here in our good old Cook County (in Chicago):  "Childbirth in Chains, more than 20 former Cook County inmates have filed suit, say they were handcuffed or shackeld during labor"
• Here is a case where a woman actually sued in Federal Court in TN and was awarded $200,000.00 in damages.  The case is: Villegas v. Metropolitan Government of Davidson County/Nashville Davidson County Sheriff’s Office.
• This is a nice article I found from "Our Bodies Our Selves" (Our Bodies Ourselves (OBOS), also known as the Boston Women’s Health Book Collective (BWHBC), is a nonprofit, public interest women’s health education, advocacy, and consulting organization.) called "Shackled during birth, nothing to lose but our humanity" that talks about this problem.
• Here is another recent article from "The Daily Beast" that addresses the issue.
• Finally, the Justice Fellowship site gives a nice synopsis of some recent cases of women restrained while in labor. 

The National Orgazination for Women

The National Organization for Women put together a "Guide to Eliminating Shackling of Incarcerated Women Pre-, During and Post-Labor and Delivery" in 2010 that I found quite helpful in that it cited several cases and websites that provide information about this practice.

 Controversy

The topic of shackling women during labor is sure to cause a heated argument amongst those who don't believe that prisoners or detainees have the same rights as others, and those who believe in human rights across the board. 

It also separates those who believe that law enforcement should be allowed to protect themselves and shackle inmates even in labor who may pose a risk to the public, from those who believe the practice amounts to cruel and unusual punishment. 

Finally, as far as the immigration and deportation cases go, there will also be those people who argue that people who are in this country illegally should not have a right to sue the government and receive compensation from the American people and others who do want to hold our government accountable for their actions even if committed against an "illegal" or undocumented immigrant. 

  

Paternity Fraud

First of all what is paternity fraud?  Actually, it's a pretty meaningless legal term.  It just refers to a situation where a father is tricked or "defrauded" into fathering a child that is not biologically his.  Usually the fraud is perpetrated by the mother who knows or has reason to know that a man is not her child's father but "pins" paternity on him anyway- for a variety of reasons.

There is really no hard and fast definition for paternity fraud, since again it is just a phrase that has only become popular in the last 20 years or so. 

This is an interesting topic because with all of the day time talk shows such as the Maury show that almost exclusively deals with a "YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER" theme, I think it deserves some discussion.

I will admit I have watched the Maury show more than once in the past and really felt bad for some men who have fathered a child for months or even years, only find out through a DNA test that they are not the biological father of their child.  Before I became a lawyer I would wonder, what happens next?  Of course, like any good tv show we don't know what happens next and can only guess. 

• Maybe he stops being a part of the child's life?
• Maybe he doesn't care and still continues to care for the child?
• What about child support?
• Was there a child support order in place?
•  Does child support continuet even though a DNA test has disproven paternity? 
• What if no child support order is in place, can the mother still get a child support order with a negative DNA test?
• What if the couple is married?
• What if they're not?
• What if the father signed the birth certificate?
• What if the father signed a Voluntary Acknowledgment of Paternity at the hospital? What if he didn't?

Well after I became a lawyer I realized that there is no easy answer to any of these questions and like most areas of the law. the answer depends on the specific set of circumstances in the case.  Oh and most importantly the law varies greatly from state to state.

What I will say is that with the advances in DNA testing in recent years, I almost feel that mandatory DNA testing at the hospitals (especially for unmarried couples) is probably a good idea.  I say "probably" because of course it's a giant intrusion on people's privacy which I'm generally against.  But I think that the pros probably outweigh the cons. 

The issue is complex to say the least, but let me say that the anti-paternity fraud issue has really become a movement, especially among men's right attorneys  who specialize in divorce and custody cases.  If you simply google "paternity fraud" you will find several websites with catchy slogans such as: "If the genes don't fit, you must acquit".  I think we all know where that came from!

These sites devote themselves to bringing awareness to "paternity fraud" and even want it to become  a crime of its own (aside from just fraud for example).  Here in IL a few bills have even been introduced asking that paternity fraud become a crime. 

CRIM CD-PATERNITY FRAUD

Amends the Criminal Code of 1961. Creates the offense of paternity fraud. Provides that a person commits the offense by knowingly alleging that a person is the biological father of a child when that person knows that the allegation is false. Provides that the penalty is a Class A misdemeanor.

House Committee Amendment No. 1

Provides that the offense of paternity fraud may only be committed if the defendant knows that the allegation that a person is the biological father of a child is both false and may result in the person alleged to be the biological father of the child being erroneously adjudicated as the father of the child.

PARENTAGE ACT-PATERNITY FRAUD

Synopsis As Introduced

Amends the Illinois Parentage Act of 1984. Requires the court to vacate a child support order entered under the Act if the court finds, by clear and convincing evidence, that the moving party is not the biological father of the child who is the subject of the support order and that the obligee maliciously misrepresented the paternity of the child to the obligor. Requires the obligor to file the motion to vacate the support order within 2 years after the discovery of evidence that he is not the biological father of the child. Permits the obligor to bring an action against the obligee or the true biological father of the child to obtain restitution for child support previously paid pursuant to the order, if the court vacates the support order. Provides that any judgment obtained in an action for restitution may not be enforced against the mother until after the child for whom the vacated support order was entered is 18 years old or is otherwise emancipated. Provides that any wage deduction or garnishment action taken to enforce a judgment for restitution against the true biological father shall stand behind any withholding order entered against the true biological father for the support of the child for whom the vacated support order had been entered. Provides that if the support order is vacated, the court shall also vacate the judgment or adjudication of paternity under which the support order was entered.

The reality of the situation is that many times an unwed couple will go to a hospital to have a baby and the man who believes he is the biological father signs what is called a Voluntary Acknowledgment of Paternity.  Here is the one for Illinois.  Now before I go on, it's important to realize that these paternity issues only arise in cases where the couple is unmarried.  If the man is married to the woman any children born during the marriage are presumed to be his children.  Rebutting paternity in those cases is a whole other matter.  So the VAP looks like this:

It's a simple enough document, short and to the point.  The problem is many men don't read it before signing it.  They are caught up in the moment of the birth of their beautiful child and don't realize the legal implications of signing the document.  Not to mention it is hospital policy to give this form to unmarried couples and it's just one more thing for the father to sign at the hospital. 

Now the document is not necessarily a bad thing since it establishes paternity and gives the father a right to establish custody and visitation rights in court later.  But really, the most important thing it does is establish paternity presumptively and legally- on the spot, with no DNA test of any kind.  In fact the document states that the father shall WAIVE his rights to genetic testing and that he agrees to be financially responsible for the child until the child is at least 18 years old and agrees to pay child support.  Now don't worry the document can be rescinded within 60 days but the problem is what if you wait longer than this to get a DNA test?  What if you wait a year? Or two years?  Most likely, it will be too late and even if a man who signed the document laters turns out to NOT be father of the child, he will still have to pay child support because this is in the best interest of the child and he shouldn't have waited so long to get tested, says case law at least.

So, the moral of the story is, that an unmarried man should really think twice about signing this VAP at the hospital unless he is 100% certain that the child is biologically his.  In fact, if there is any doubt at all, a simple DNA test done in the hospital could save everyone involved a lot of hardship and pain.


*there is much more to this issue that is not discussed here and if you think you want to dispute paternity or need help establishing paternity seek the help of an experienced family law attorney immediately, the clock is ticking!

Toddlers and Tiaras

If you have been watching any television recently or been on the internet at all, chances are you have seen this image of a little 3 year old girl dressed up as Julia Roberts' prostitute character in Pretty Woman.  It has caused quite the controversy and you can imagine why.  

Beauty pageants have been around for quite some time but recently our obsession with reality t.v. has launched young girls like the one above who participate in toddler pageants, into stardom- all thanks to a show called Toddlers and Tiaras on TLC. 

Now I'm the first to admit that I used to watch the show.  It came out a few seasons ago I believe, and I was intrigued at first. I think I got through a few episodes until I started feeling so bad for these poor little girls that I was turned off by the show and stopped watching it.  The parents on the show clearly have some serious psychological issues going on and the torment these young girls endure was too much for me to watch. 

Yet people continue watching the show and TLC continues to profit off of the seeming exploitation of these toddlers.  

I don't think I need to get into the reasoning behind it, after all reality television programming has skyrocketed in popularity in the last few years and if anything, most people seem to enjoy watching on as reality stars' lives plummet into the ground.  Like a gory car accident we can't help but stare and criticize.  I have no problem with most reality shows that give us a glimpse into the lives of deranged adults, like Jersey Shore for example.  But the real problem for me is that the main characters of Toddlers and Tiaras are children, hardly more than babies.  These children have no choice but to participate in the pageants (despite what the parents may claim) and their further involvement in a grotesque reality television show is obviously not their choice either. 

Now many opponents of the show are quick to shout "CHILD ABUSE" and demand that the parents of these children be put in jail as a simple solution to the problem, but as an attorney I really have a problem with that too. 

People seem to not understand that enrolling your child in a beauty pageant really does not (usually) equal child abuse.  

For fun, let's explore what child abuse really is. The information below is gathered directly from The U.S. Department of Health and Human Service's website here. 

First of all like anything else in this country you have to make a distinction between the federal and state level. 

At the federal level, the Child Abuse Prevention and Treatment Act (CAPTA) defines child abuse and neglect as:  

Any recent act or failure to act on the part of a parent or caretaker, which results in death, serious physical or emotional harm, sexual abuse, or exploitation, or an act or failure to act which presents an imminent risk of serious harm. 

The CAPTA definition of sexual abuse includes: 

The employment, use, persuasion, inducement, enticement, or coercion of any child to engage in, or assist any other person to engage in, any sexually explicit conduct or simulation of such conduct for the purpose of producing a visual depiction of such conduct; or The rape, and in cases of caretaker or interfamilial
relationships, statutory rape, molestation, prostitution, or other form of sexual exploitation of children, or incest with children

Then from there most states make the distinctions between the different types of abuse like:

• physical abuse
• neglect
• sexual abuse/exploitation
• emotional abuse
• parental substance abuse
• abandonment

So basically, in order to figure out if a type of behavior is categorized as a crime you should look to your particular state's statutes.  The definitions of physical abuse, neglect, sexual abuse and exploitation, emotional abuse and abandonment for Illinois can be found here. 

1. Physical abuse:

-If you read through them it's pretty clear that physical abuse is probably not being committed by merely entering your toddler in one of these glitz pageants (despite the tanning and waxing that goes on).  What goes on behind closed doors and is not caught on film is another issue.

2. Neglect:

-The standards for neglect are fairly high too, requiring the child to be denied basic food, clothing and shelter. Unless these little girls are being starved on camera this seems hard to prove too.

3. Sexual abuse or exploitation:

-While it may seem to many that these girls are being exploited (and in fact I even used the term loosely in this blog), you have to basically be allowing some kind of sex offense to be committed against the child.  Here I think it's important to note the difference between the apparent over-sexualization of a child and an actual sex act being committed upon that child.  

4. Emotional abuse:

-Finally it seems that some of the behavior of these parents might actually fit into the offense of emotional abuse: which includes impairment or substantial risk of impairment to the child’s emotional health.  

5. Abandonment:

-probably N/A here.

So after all that research it appears the parents might be abusing their children emotionally, but of course there has to be enough probable cause to show that these children are suffering severe emotional abuse at the hands of their parents in order to charge the parents, then it has to be proven that a crime occurred.  

So instead of participating in the popularization of these type of shows that most people can agree are probably harming at least the emotions of young children, I urge you to change the channel and NOT watch these type of shows.  Instead participate in discussions about why these shows are detrimental to young children and spread the word!

Parental Leave

 

Finally I thought I would tackle a very popular legal issue that affects working mothers AND fathers: parental leave.  Notice I've called it parental leave not maternity leave because dads have rights too, as might partners under a civil union or domestic partnership.


As many of you know all too well, in general, here in the US you do not have a right to parental leave.  It is much more complicated than that.  First of all there is paid time off work and unpaid time off work.  The first thing you have to know is that in general you do not have a right to get paid time off work for parental leave here in the US.  There are a lot of factors that come into play to determine what kind of parental leave you are entitled to.  Such as:


-whether you work full time or part time
-whether you work for a governmental agency of some kind
-the size of your employer
-what kind of leave you are looking for: paid or unpaid?


Then you have to figure out WHO is going to compensate you for your leave:
-your own private employer
-the Federal government
-or a State agency

There are several misconceptions about parental leave and specifically maternity leave that I want to address.

1. Any generalizations about maternity leave are probably wrong.

First of all you cannot generalize maternity leave in this country by saying: Women here get X amount of maternity leave.  Again, there is no inherent RIGHT to receive maternity leave.  It is nice if your employer provides it or if you work for a company covered by FMLA so the federal government provides you with some kind of protection.

2. I can take all the time off in the world and my boss can't fire me. 

Not necessarily true.  In general you can take plenty of UNpaid time off and not be fired or rather discriminated against for being pregnant or having a child, but eventually you can be terminated from your employment.  You are basically treated as if you have an illness or disability but your job will not be held open forever.


Here is some information about pregnancy discrimination as provided for by the Title VII of Civil Rights Act of 1964, taken from the Equal Opportunity and Employment Commission's website (EEOC).  The very first thing to notice is that Title VII covers employes with 15 or more employees, NOT smaller companies.

Facts About Pregnancy Discrimination

The Pregnancy Discrimination Act amended Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964. Discrimination on the basis of pregnancy, childbirth, or related medical conditions constitutes unlawful sex discrimination under Title VII, which covers employers with 15 or more employees, including state and local governments. Title VII also applies to employment agencies and to labor organizations, as well as to the federal government. Women who are pregnant or affected by pregnancy-related conditions must be treated in the same manner as other applicants or employees with similar abilities or limitations.

Title VII's pregnancy-related protections include:

• Hiring
• Pregnancy and Maternity Leave
• Health Insurance
  
• Fringe Benefits 

It is also unlawful to retaliate against an individual for opposing employment practices that discriminate based on pregnancy or for filing a discrimination charge, testifying, or participating in any way in an investigation, proceeding, or litigation under Title VII.

http://www.eeoc.gov/facts/fs-preg.html

3. In Canada they get a year off of paid maternity leave.  It is much better than the US.

Well I'm no expert on Canada, and while I agree they DO have a better system going on over there, their maternity leave laws are also complicated and women there DO NOT get one year of paid maternity leave.  They get a certain number of weeks paid and then can take UNpaid time off for up to I believe 2 years.  But again I know nothing about Canada law, I just know that you can't take off a year and expect to be paid the whole time there either. 
Read more about Canada's maternity leave laws IF you wan to read for half an hour...http://www.hrsdc.gc.ca/eng/lp/spila/wlb/wfp/11maternity_leave.shtml

4. Under FMLA I can take off 12 weeks of paid maternity leave.
First of all the Family and Medical Leave Act is a Federal law that basically provides employees that fall under a certain category, the right to take up to 12 weeks of job-protected UNpaid leave during any 12 month period.  It does NOT entitle any employee to paid time off.  Now I don't know about any of you, but UNpaid time off isn't all that great.  How will you pay bills with NO paycheck for 12 weeks? Most people cannot afford to do this.


And by the way the FMLA is not specifically meant as paternal leave.  It just happens to be that birth and taking care of a child fits under the act.  It is also meant for anyone who needs to care for an immediate family member or for the care of your own health condition. 


Now you have to see if you actually qualify for protection under the FMLA.  Here are the basics:

• Private Sector employees:
•  If you work in the private sector your employer must employ 50 or more employees
• in other words private small businesses are NOT regulated by FMLA

• Public Sector employees: 
• The good news? FMLA covers ALL public agencies (state and local governments) and local education agencies (like schools- public OR private).

• Eligibility:
•  To be eligible you must have worked for the employer for a total 12 months and have worked at least  1,250 hours.
• just started your job? too bad. no FMLA protection for you.

• Vacation time/sick leave? 
• If you have vacation or sick leave you can use it and it is substituted for unpaid FMLA time so usually you don't get 12 weeks PLUS your sick leave/vacation pay!  
• In fact your employer can require that you take all of your accrued sick days/vacation pay and it counts against the 12 weeks you receive.  
• So when you go back to work after your marvelous 12 weeks of UNpaid leave you will have NO sick days or vacation days left!

Still not sure if you're covered? read here!

http://www.dol.gov/compliance/guide/fmla.htm

More stuff here: http://www.dol.gov/compliance/laws/comp-fmla.htm

And the WHOLE act for fun, is here: http://www.dol.gov/whd/regs/statutes/fmla.htm

5. I can just apply for Short Term Disability and get paid during maternity leave.
Sort of.  First you have to know about the different kinds of STD.  There are short term disability benefits provided by the state you live in IF they provide STD benefits. 


A. Short Term Disability offered by state:


-California
-New York
-New Jersey
-Rhode Island
-Hawaii


B. Private Short Term Disability Insurance:


Then you have to find out if your employer provides STD benefits of some kind, also known as private STD insurance.  Sometimes your employer may have better benefits than your state or FMLA.  Don't forget you will probably have to exhaust all of your vacation leave and sick leave before you get to use this benefit.


Either way STD will usually only pay you 50-75% of your pay for a certain amount of time.  This is still better than unpaid leave under FMLA.


C. Other disability laws by state: 


Finally, the state you live in might have their own disability laws granting you some kind of benefits.  Here is a wonderful report that goes through each state's stance on parental leave.  I urge everyone to read through it and do additional research if needed. 

http://www.nationalpartnership.org/site/DocServer/ParentalLeaveReportMay05.pdf?docID=1052

Other misc. issues:

Did you know that:


-If you and your partner work for the same company you're only entitled to a combined 12 weeks of parental leave between the two of you?!


-apart from Federal and State laws some cities may actually have a law that protects certain employees.  Here in Chicago, our mayor recently announced the city's first maternity leave policy granting PAID maternity leave for certain city workers! It's a great step in the right direction!

http://www.cityofchicago.org/city/en/depts/mayor/press_room/press_releases/2011/september_2011/mayor_emanuel_announcescitysfirstmaternityleavepolicy.html


So are you still confused about the parental leave you are entitled to and perhaps a little angry?

I agree it is overly complicated.  Here's what you should do:

• Talk to your HR department hopefully there is an experienced person at your job that can explain to you the policy in place at your employer.  Consider your accrued vacation and sick leave and see if you can use this in combination with any leave under FMLA or STD. 
• Research the FMLA and your state laws by reading through the articles above.

and finally do you REALLY want to be depressed?

Here is what good old wikipedia has to say about global parental leave:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parental_leave


To summarize:
-Central European countries are the most dedicated countries in the world regarding parental leave, the US? not so much.


Here is some final food for thought:

According to wikipedia, only 4 countries (in the WORLD) have no national law mandating time off for new parents:

LIBERIA, a tiny poor country in western Africa.

PAPAU NEW GUINEA, a tiny country in the Pacific ocean.

SWAZILAND, a REALLY tiny country in southern Africa.

and yes,

the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

Looking for the some of the best maternity leave?

Sweden: 16 months paid leave

Switzerland: 16 weeks at 100% paid

Austria: 16 weeks at 100% paid

Bulgaria: 1 YEAR at 100% paid

Denmark: 52 weeks at 100% paid

France: 16 weeks at 100% paid

Norway: 56 weeks paid leave

Estonia: 18 months paid leave

hec, even my mom's little country of Colombia in South America offers 12 weeks of paid maternity leave.